I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
