Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
