I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
