i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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