I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
