I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
