Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
