omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
