So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
