I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
