just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
