I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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