Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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