Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
