Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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