I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
