girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
