Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
