He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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