She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
