i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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