I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
