You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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