Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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