So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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