WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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