I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
