Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
