Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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