Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
