in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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