I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
