no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
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