I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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