in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
