Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
