I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
