i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
