Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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