He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
