Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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