I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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