Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
