So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
