you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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