What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
