We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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