this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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