hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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