when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
