He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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