The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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