I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
