R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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