and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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