just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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