I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
