brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
