haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
