Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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